What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize