true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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