the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
