Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
