There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
