It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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