So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
