I just pynch a tree in the face
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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