I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
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