Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
