the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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