My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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