I think I just saw someone hide a body.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
