My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
You may now shotgun with the bride
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
