Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
jump out the window naked night went bad
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
