we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize