I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Randomize
