Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
