we're blogging at a bar
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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