Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
