I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize