his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
