Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
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