don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
zippers are such a cool invention
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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