I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Be still, my beating vagina.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
