I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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