I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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