if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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