I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Life is so much better after having sex.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Randomize
