he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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