just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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