dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I think your dad took our porno
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
