sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
