Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
