You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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