so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
i've created a new STD.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
