god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
