I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
