ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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