I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
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