I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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