kristin has been a bad kristin
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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