one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
