Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
