I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
