Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize