Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
