I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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