I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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