we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
