i was rollin on her like bob the builder
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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