So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
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