Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
