i just wanna soil my oats bro
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize