i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Randomize
