Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
