Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
