Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
