if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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