Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
