You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
