i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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