Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize