Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
