im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
