I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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