Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
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