i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
