his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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