Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
