if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
