My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
