$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
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