dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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