I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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