Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
