k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
