5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
