I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
