He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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