you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
They are going to name an STD after you.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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