I'm really into asian looking animals
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
