i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize