a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
it's like iHOP with fire
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
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