They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
