I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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