dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
