fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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