Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
