i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
