I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
