I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
