So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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