Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I could make wine with my vomit
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
