By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
