someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize