Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
