Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
