ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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