yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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