I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
