can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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