Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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