i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
