i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
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