No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
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