but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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