everyone is single if you try hard enough
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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