im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
