we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
